I’m Not Perfect

Welcome back!

I feel like everyone around me sees me as perfect, or at least they see me as always “striving” to be perfect.  In all honesty that’s the way I’ve been living for too long.  Striving … to be perfect . . to be what everyone else wants me to be, even what I thought I wanted to be, but not ever giving myself a chance or an opportunity to just be, to live, to breath.

My whole life I’ve been living up to perfectionist standards, but I am finally giving in and quitting that rat race.  God has been speaking to me for a long time about giving up perfection.  Unfortunately for me, I haven’t listened, at least not until now.  I am officially quitting the rat race, no more chasing after too many things and never giving everything what it needs.  No more sacrificing my family for my own desires, I am finally realizing what God desires most from me, and that is to just be.

Tears rolled down my face when I finally realized that what I need more than anything is to give in to God’s promptings to be – be a wife, be a mom, be me. That means I’m giving up some of what I feel called to, what I love, but I know it won’t be forever, but for a time it is going to be necessary.  Because I love my husband and my children more than  that. I’m giving up spending so much time pouring myself into Beauty by Design.   I will still speak on occasion, but the blog, newsletter and products aren’t going to be what I pump myself into each day anymore.

As I’ve been seeking to find ministry to do and running myself ragged trying to do it, it’s been right under my fingertips all along and I have sadly been ignoring it too much of the time, or at least giving it my second best.  Just recently, I told a lady in my church I could no longer serve in a position because I didn’t want to give it less than 100%, but I’ve been giving my family less than 100% of me for a long time.  {gasp} Did I just say that?  Yes I did because it is true.

No more.  I have admitted my wrongs to my husband, I’ve admitted my wrongs to God and now I’m admitting my wrongs to you.  First things must come first,  I’m not perfect, but I am committing myself to God, to my husband and to my babies, fresh and new.

Finding Balance

As you may have read, I have felt convicted to spend less time online and to be more intentional about the time I do spend online. Yesterday, I did very well, spending only 2 hrs. online total and getting quite alot done around the house. I’m such the recovering non-housekeeper. It isn’t that I don’t want to take care of my family or that I don’t want to keep a nice tidy house it’s that I have often gotten overwhelmed by all the tasks which that involves. Therefore, more often that not I’d just give into what I’m better at “work” and not do my “housework” so much.

I did find today that 2 hrs was just not enough time to get client work done for 2 clients, have an interview for an upcoming webinar and do all the normal business tasks, also over the past two days I’ve found with this limited computer time I’ve had little to no time to “connect” with anyone via Facebook or Twitter and that has left me feeling isolated.

I realize this is just day 2 of my new routines so I will press on but I feel some tweaking is likely in the cards for the future. How do you do it? How do you strike a balance? Especially if you blog or work from home? What’s your “routine”? How much time do you spend online? I’d love to hear from you.
Photo Credit: Tom />

What Makes Me Happy. . .

An iced cold Coca Cola Classic after I haven’t had one in over 24 hours.

The fact that my husband loves me.

My baby girl’s smile when she gets a sippy (her beebop, that’s what she calls it) full of milk. (It’s her favorite drink).

My oldest son’s smile and the way his eyes light up when he does so.

My baby boy’s cuddles.

I love my life and I am feeling very blessed today.  How about you?

Photo Credit: Imacgooroo

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