I’m Not Perfect

Welcome back!

I feel like everyone around me sees me as perfect, or at least they see me as always “striving” to be perfect.  In all honesty that’s the way I’ve been living for too long.  Striving … to be perfect . . to be what everyone else wants me to be, even what I thought I wanted to be, but not ever giving myself a chance or an opportunity to just be, to live, to breath.

My whole life I’ve been living up to perfectionist standards, but I am finally giving in and quitting that rat race.  God has been speaking to me for a long time about giving up perfection.  Unfortunately for me, I haven’t listened, at least not until now.  I am officially quitting the rat race, no more chasing after too many things and never giving everything what it needs.  No more sacrificing my family for my own desires, I am finally realizing what God desires most from me, and that is to just be.

Tears rolled down my face when I finally realized that what I need more than anything is to give in to God’s promptings to be – be a wife, be a mom, be me. That means I’m giving up some of what I feel called to, what I love, but I know it won’t be forever, but for a time it is going to be necessary.  Because I love my husband and my children more than  that. I’m giving up spending so much time pouring myself into Beauty by Design.   I will still speak on occasion, but the blog, newsletter and products aren’t going to be what I pump myself into each day anymore.

As I’ve been seeking to find ministry to do and running myself ragged trying to do it, it’s been right under my fingertips all along and I have sadly been ignoring it too much of the time, or at least giving it my second best.  Just recently, I told a lady in my church I could no longer serve in a position because I didn’t want to give it less than 100%, but I’ve been giving my family less than 100% of me for a long time.  {gasp} Did I just say that?  Yes I did because it is true.

No more.  I have admitted my wrongs to my husband, I’ve admitted my wrongs to God and now I’m admitting my wrongs to you.  First things must come first,  I’m not perfect, but I am committing myself to God, to my husband and to my babies, fresh and new.

I Could Use Your Help

As you have probably read I”m trying to get to Blissdom, a bloggers conference in Nashville next month. I went last year had a wonderful experience and want to repeat. There are various contests online and one is a writing contest. As I am a writer this one appealed me. Today, my post is up at Skimbaco. Can you do me a favor and go comment? Thanks!

Just Say No to Insanity

I had every intention of blogging here more I didn’t promise it because I knew my life was crazy, but in my head it was something I wanted.  Then, I got this crazy idea to just start over. Start a new blog, create a whole other site and leave this one behind, but then I remembered I’d tried that before and it didn’t work.

And since the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing and expecting different results”. I thought I’d better stay sane.  Plus, really honestly, I didn’t need another thing on my plate.

I have BIG goals for 2010. I have a thriving writing business and a ministry.  3 years ago I would have told you today would have been impossible for me to achieve, especially since I have three children, all under the age of six.  But it is real and though my businesses aren’t at the capacity I wish they would be I am making progress.

I have learned vast amounts of things this year.  One thing I know for sure is that in order to grow you have to take risks, you have to take action and you have to work hard.  I’m willing to do those things in 2010 because I have seen in 2009 that they are worth it.

I’m ready for the ride that 2010 is offering.  It is going to be a great adventure.  Check back for my 2010 goals.  I hope you’ll share yours with me too.

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