I’m Not Perfect

Welcome back!

I feel like everyone around me sees me as perfect, or at least they see me as always “striving” to be perfect.  In all honesty that’s the way I’ve been living for too long.  Striving … to be perfect . . to be what everyone else wants me to be, even what I thought I wanted to be, but not ever giving myself a chance or an opportunity to just be, to live, to breath.

My whole life I’ve been living up to perfectionist standards, but I am finally giving in and quitting that rat race.  God has been speaking to me for a long time about giving up perfection.  Unfortunately for me, I haven’t listened, at least not until now.  I am officially quitting the rat race, no more chasing after too many things and never giving everything what it needs.  No more sacrificing my family for my own desires, I am finally realizing what God desires most from me, and that is to just be.

Tears rolled down my face when I finally realized that what I need more than anything is to give in to God’s promptings to be – be a wife, be a mom, be me. That means I’m giving up some of what I feel called to, what I love, but I know it won’t be forever, but for a time it is going to be necessary.  Because I love my husband and my children more than  that. I’m giving up spending so much time pouring myself into Beauty by Design.   I will still speak on occasion, but the blog, newsletter and products aren’t going to be what I pump myself into each day anymore.

As I’ve been seeking to find ministry to do and running myself ragged trying to do it, it’s been right under my fingertips all along and I have sadly been ignoring it too much of the time, or at least giving it my second best.  Just recently, I told a lady in my church I could no longer serve in a position because I didn’t want to give it less than 100%, but I’ve been giving my family less than 100% of me for a long time.  {gasp} Did I just say that?  Yes I did because it is true.

No more.  I have admitted my wrongs to my husband, I’ve admitted my wrongs to God and now I’m admitting my wrongs to you.  First things must come first,  I’m not perfect, but I am committing myself to God, to my husband and to my babies, fresh and new.

It’s Back

I just read a heartwarming post over on one of my favorite blogs, “Adventures in BabyWearing” Steph was sharing how she felt about her eight almost nine year old son and I was warmed by her thoughts and how one day her son might read her blog.  It made me think, uhoh, I stopped blogging my personal life to focus on business and ministry, all good things, but will my kids wonder why I stopped blogging about them?  about life? about everyday stuff?

So, I couldn’t stand it.  I couldn’t stand the thought of that. So, from now on I’ll be blogging here, for the kids.  This one is for the kids.  Those three precious, handfuls of mine.  The oldest, which had his tonsils removed yesterday, and was such a brave little trooper.

Yes, this was AFTER surgery, can’t tell he had surgery huh?

So, I hope you’ll welcome me and my kids, back into the blogosphere.  I can’t promise how frequently I’ll blog, but after almost two months I do miss it!

I Miss Him Already

My oldest son started Kindergarten yesterday, all day Kindergarten, he has attended 1/2 day preschool for the past two years.  Yesterday was a half day, but today he goes till 3 pm.  He woke up this morning and didn’t really want to go.  It had hit him that he’d be away all day.  It made me sad.

He’s gotten so big, so fast.  He is more like me than I often admit.  He is persistent, stubborn, and won’t take no for an answer.  No wonder we butt heads, but he’s also tender-hearted, intelligent and creative (I’d hope that was from me too).

This weekend we had his friends over for what is becoming our annual Avant Weenie Roast.  They had a blast and so did their parents.  I am so blessed to have close friends who have children the same age of my children.  We have a true circle of friends that mean the world to us.

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