Unsettled
by Alyssa Avant on January 19, 2009
in Just Me, My Kids
Welcome back!
Why do I feel unsettled even though I know I am doing all that I can. I have three children, all under the age of 5. I work from home, a difficult feat in itself, but especially with 3 children under the age of 5. There is hardly a day that I’m out in public that goes by that I don’t get the question, “How do you do it all?” or am told the phrase, “You’ve got your hands full.” Still for some reason I expect more out of myself than others do of me.
Blame it on my perfectionist tendencies or being raised by a very authoritative dad who demanded our best. I’m not sure why, but I often feel unsettled when I am not performing what I consider up to par, when something slacks. And when you have three children and you’re trying to run a ministry and a business from home, stay involved in church, keep up with your friends, be a good spouse, cook a homemade dinner nightly, well obviously, something is GOING to slack.
So, I have to sit here and admit where I am performing, where I am doing the right things.
First,l I do my quiet time daily. It has become a habit, get up, grab something to drink, sit down, grab Bible, pen, journal and devotional book (if reading one) and go to God. It is something I cannot live without.
Second, I have already in week three of 2009 accomplished my goal of having 5 blog management clients for my writing biz. This is something that has helped me tremendously. Being focused on JUST those clients, nothing more, nothing less, if extra work comes, I take it, but I’m not actively pursuing it. I’m trying to be satisfied with what I have.
Third, This year I am focusing on my ministry. I stepped out on faith to pursue it 100% in 2007 but have had a hard time being able to focus on it for financial reasons. For months God has been calling me to take a second step of faith, by making it my focus instead of working only for the money and worrying about money constantly. So doing so this year is an accomplishment. At least for the first 3 weeks of 2009 I have been focused on ministry. Let’s hope I can continue it.
So, maybe it isn’t so bad that my house is a mess, that I feel unsettled. Let’s blame it on the time of the time of the month. Enough said?
I definitely think you are doing good. Your priorities are in order and really that’s all that matters. Try to focus on the things you do accomplish instead of focusing on the things you haven’t.
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Alyssa, you are definitely not alone when it comes to those kinds of feelings. I think everyone wonders if they are doing enough, if they are doing the best they can, if there is something that could be done better…
You do have a lot on your plate, and you are right – there will be times when things slack. And that’s ok! Different parts of your life will need more attention during certain times.
Trust your instincts. Spend your time on what’s important. Everything else will fall into place.
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We all feel that way sometimes but please take it from a mama with a few more mama years under her belt- cut yourself some slack or the one thing you will neglect the most is you- your health, etc. Pray for peace and patience my friend, especially if you are starting school too. IM me if you need to chat!
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I think being unsettled in the new year is a pretty normal feeling actually. I have noticed a lot of people talking about this. We busy ourselves to finish up one year, take a much needed break, commit to new goals for the new year and then get snowed in.
No really – I think we plan out our year and get excited and then see that it only January 19. Long way to go in those goals for 2009.
And some might even say being unsettled is good. Certainly when I am being prompted to do God’s work, I become very unsettled. When I am feeling too comfortable, I often ask for God to unsettle me – stir it up – showing me where to go next.
Just keep your focus on Him – the rest will settle where it should.
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Oh, we’re going through very similar things. But you’ve taken the right step by breaking things down into the positive things you’re doing and cutting yourself some slack. And I’m very impressed by your leap of faith in pursuing what your passion is, what you love, and trusting it will lead you where you need to be. You go, girl!
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