A Father’s Blessing

A couple of days ago, as I was getting ready for my day a friend of mine said a prayer that I would be blessed that day.   I know I receive blessings everyday, but this day the blessing would turn out to be a little different.  You see, I have been struggling recently with alot of anxiety over financial worries as well as medical issues with my children.  All of it was just sort of closing in on me.  I’d been in a real funk and was desperate to get out of it. I wanted and still do want my money issues fixed but at the point I was 2 days ago I was just about willing to do anything I could to fix them. You see that’s how I am, I”m a fixer. I want things to go smoothly so I try to fix “everything” and as many of you know in life not everything is fixable at least not overnight.

So, at this point I was ready to go out and get a job, outside of the home, not because I wanted to, but because I was feeling like that was my only option.  No, it was definitely not what I wanted.  I after all love being home with my children and I after all am passionate about my “job”  of writing, speaking and ministering, but felt it just wasn’t paying the bills like I wanted it to.

One of the most difficult parts of working from home is that my family (meaning my parents) has never seemed to really “get” what it is that I do. And because I have not chosen to follow the career path I had talked about going down in high school and back when I was living under their roof, I felt my parents were disappointed in me.

Well, this thought changed a couple days ago, when after my friend prayed I’d receive a blessing.  I did.  I was having a conversation with my daddy about my situation.  You see it was not until earlier this week that I admitted to myself, my husband and my mom and dad that I was having anxiety issues (this is not new to me I’ve had them before and will again).  So, he and I were discussing what I could do and I mentioned the idea of the “job”. He answered by telling me that I already had a job.   I was a writer, I was good at what I did. He actually told me I was talented, I had potential and that I could do whatever  I wanted with it.  He knows that I want to write and publish a book, I also shared with him about my ebooks, and other ideas I had.  He agreed they were all good ideas, and then said, “So what are you waiting for? What’s holding you back?”  I admitted that time and the distraction of my children being under foot 24/7 was one big issue. (They are precious and I love them but they make it hard to concentrate.)  We resolved it by deciding to let my mother in law watch them at couple of days a week so I could work uninterrupted and focus.

Then, he said, “what else?”  I then admitted that “fear” was my only other stumbling block.  He then asked me, “Haven’t you stepped out on faith before?”  To which I responded, “well of course”.  So he told me, “Close your eyes and step.”

Honestly, to me those were the perfect words, just what I needed to hear.  Months worth of worries seemed to fade, as well as over 2 years worth (that’s how long I”ve been working from home) of wondering if he understood and was proud of me faded.  It was as if he had just giving me “his blessing.”  And now, I’m ready to take that step I need to take.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!